Carving Out Snippets of Space
by Susanne Adams
On a day in July 2024, California’s Park fire was 12 times the size of San Francisco and still growing. At about the same time, Susanne Adams sat with Voices to talk about the intersection between her mindfulness practice and her job responding to wildfires for the National Forest Service.
We’ve all seen pictures of firefighters with wildfires raging around them. The public often views these firefighters as heroes, but Susanne balks at the glorification of being a wildland firefighter. In a moment of introspection, Susanne said:
I really like it. My ego likes it. I've always wanted to be considered cool,' and I get a little hit of that most times when I talk to people about being a wildland firefighter. It is a continual work to be mindful of this reaction and think about where it stems from. What part of that reaction is healthy and unhealthy? I don't have that answer, but I muse on that.” Beyond that, Susanne says, “We choose to do this job; we are very aware of the risks, and we are just doing the job.
Like many of us, our careers revolve around things we enjoy. Susanne has confronted the more challenging aspects of nature and unanticipated disasters, but she believes most everyone is better off spending time in nature.
Lisa, my wife, and I find real beauty in a swamp. We're flipping 55 years old, and we've been in the woods almost every day for years. You know, we're still in awe of nature. It sometimes just astounds you.
Susanne began her career with the Forest Service as a Wildlife Biologist. Very early in that career, Susanne voluntarily joined the wildland firefighting effort, an additional aspect of her work with the Forest Service. In addition to responding to wildfires, these teams are called when disaster conditions outstrip the local resources. For example, teams responded to the space shuttle Challenger debris recovery, 911 response, hurricane relief, and a bird flu outbreak.
In 2005, Susanne shifted gears from being an engine and dozer boss to becoming a facilities unit leader. This new job included designing the little city to care for 200-1,000 people responding to a disaster, making preparations including toilets and showers, caterers, and air-conditioned yurts. The caterer alone might arrive with six or more semi-trailers with food, a mobile kitchen, food prep, and serving space.
She talked about the day she decided to switch gears from actively fighting fires to organizing the response. She stood with her team, watching a wildfire crest the top of a hill.
I was a dozer boss then and wasn’t on board with the current plan. You know, my mouth was all dry; I was scared. At that moment, I realized I didn’t need to be on the fire line if I didn’t feel comfortable with the assignments they were giving me. Still, it was a difficult decision. I still had close ties to my team in the fire environment. We all had a common mission, and we worked together on it. So there is this real team camaraderie thing that happens. I enjoyed working with people closely like that in intense situations to accomplish this common goal.
When asked how her meditation practice might have influenced that kind of decision, Susanne said her mediation practice only began about ten years ago. While she admitted her job was ‘pretty stressful,’ meditation was part of a more holistic effort to address some health issues and a long-standing interest in meditation.
Meditation was one of those things that I had on my list for a long time. I thought it was something good to do, along with a good diet and exercise. You know, all those ‘take care of yourself’ things. But it took three to five years for my meditation practice to stick.
When Susanne moved to the Milwaukee area, she decided to get serious about establishing a meditation practice. She’d been using meditation apps consistently but wanted to improve her practice significantly.
That was my goal. I set that intention. And so I talked to some people, I did internet searches. I narrowed it down to three places, of which RIM was one. Some places were much closer to my home, but I planned to visit all of them. I went to RIM first, and I never left. I’ve always felt really blessed to find RIM and enjoy my time with this community, but now I'm farther away and unable to be there in person more often. But, it's just a wonderful organization. My life, way of dealing with people, and head space have all been the better for it.
When time is at a premium in stressful circumstances, Susanne says she has many meditation practices she can use on the fly. When she finds a lull in the action, she reminds herself that she has no urgent or immediate thing that needs to be taken care of.
Susanne converts what she calls ‘snippets of space’ into mini meditations.
I just take opportunities as they come to me. Holistic practice helps me handle that stress better. It helps me handle other people's stress and anxiety better. I have improved how I navigate stress within myself and others.”\
Like all of us, bringing our practice into the workplace can be challenging. Susanne openly admitted that there were times when she and her team really excelled and times when they struggled. Susanne shared a story about a time when her team was struggling to get the resources needed to support teams of firefighters. When someone lambasted her in front of a large group of coworkers, Susanne noticed the fruit of her practice. She acknowledged the truth in his accusations. She offered no excuses but tried to calmly explain what was happening behind the scenes with the supply chain.
Meditation also helps me feel more empathy for all the people I'm working with and the public we interact with. I interact with a fair bit of private vendors and landowners, and they’re sometimes agitated, clearly upset, or concerned about something. It’s difficult to maintain a sense of calm, at least a sense of calmer, in a high-stress, emotionally charged situation.
Susanne says her meditation practice has helped her navigate emotionally charged situations much more smoothly than in the past. It gave her more tools for dealing with the inevitable conflicts, increasing her awareness of how the other person feels and being more aware of her own emotional responses.
I come into these situations with more kindness and more empathy. I’m more open about my personal limitations and am more open to those conversations.
The members of these disaster response teams come from varied backgrounds, training, and years of experience. Joining a larger disaster response team can be a difficult transition. Everyone comes to the scene with their own style. While Susanne recognizes the positive impact of her mindfulness training, people don’t always respond positively to positive intentions. This is not a surprise, but it can be emotionally devastating. Susanne gave a few examples.
When responding to a hurricane, teams of firefighters from many locations were housed in a school. Classrooms were used to provide living spaces for teams, but there were not enough rooms for all individual teams to have their own space. Multiple teams were all assigned living space in a gym. Prejudices arose, tempers flared, and unfounded accusations were made. Susanne felt responsible for making this situation more acceptable to all groups. After days of everyone complaining about their accommodations in the gym, Susanne finally found a way to move one of the Hispanic crews into a classroom. She felt good about finding a way to help their team, only to be approached by a Human Resources representative who said the crew had filed a complaint against her. They accused her of being racist by trying to shove them out of sight. Sometimes, even the best intentions are not well received.
In another situation, Susanne was struggling to work with a transgender firefighter who “just came in with a chip on her shoulder and caused a lot of drama. She seemed determined to find people wronging her. Because she was looking for that, that’s what she found.” As a gay woman with a wife and family, Susanne was invested in helping her coworker recognize the difference between intentional disdainful treatment and those ‘oops moments created simply by mistake. Despite her best efforts, Susanne was acutely aware that tensions remained steady.
When people get in stressful situations, it just gets dicey sometimes. And so, yes, meditation helps me navigate those situations. It’s taking those snippets of space I find during the day and using them to meditate. Overall, the practice helps me walk into those emotionally charged situations with my eyes more open than before. They're just more open.
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